Lesson 1 of 6 · 9 min
Decide the must-do jobs and who owns them
Goal: List the household jobs that must carry on, and give each one an owner and a backup
You're a few weeks from your due date, on the sofa in your HDB flat after work. Your mum, your mother-in-law and two aunties have all said, "Just tell me what you need." It's kind. But you still can't picture who will cook, do the laundry or take your older child to school in week one.
This lesson turns those offers into a real plan, before the baby comes.
List the work that must carry on. Food for the adults, groceries, laundry, an older child's school or childcare runs, bills, pets, and getting to appointments.
For the baby's care and the recovering parent's care, follow what your hospital team tells you. This plan covers everything around that, so the people giving care aren't also running the house.
Give away the whole job, not a piece of it. "Help with dinner" can still leave the recovering parent choosing the menu, ordering the food and washing up. "Order the adult dinners by 4pm, receive them and clear up" hands over the whole job.
For each job, name an owner, a backup, and what "done" looks like. Then ask the owner if they can really do it.
Hand over a job in 4 steps
- Name the job and what "done" looks like.
- Include the planning, buying, receiving and clean-up.
- Name an owner and a backup.
- Ask the owner to say yes, out loud or in a message.
Must-do or nice-to-have? Clean clothes are a must. Reorganising every cupboard can wait. Agree which standards you'll relax for a while, and plan with the space and budget you really have, not a nursery photo.
Parenting without a partner at home? Map support by named people and services, so no one person covers every role. Ask each one for a specific job. HealthHub encourages family members to take over household chores after the birth. This plan turns that into named jobs.
What to say
Asking someone to own a job
Say
- Can you own adult dinners on Mondays and Wednesdays, from ordering to clean-up?
- If you can't make it one week, please tell Faizal, so the backup can step in.
- You don't need to check with me each day.
Avoid
- Just help wherever you can.
- Ask me if you're not sure what to do.
How Siti did it. Siti's sister offered to "help with food". They agreed she would organise adult dinners on Monday and Wednesday, within a set budget and the family's food preferences. Siti's partner, Faizal, receives the delivery and clears up. A friend is the backup if the sister can't make it. Siti doesn't need to send a menu every afternoon.
What would you do?
Your aunt says, "I can help anytime, just tell me." Nothing specific has been agreed yet. What do you do?
Thank her, and count food and errands as covered
It's a generous offer, and it feels like enough. But without a job and a time, nobody knows what's actually covered. Ask her for one specific thing.
Ask her to own one job, like Thursday groceries, and agree a backup
Now she knows exactly what to do, and you know it's handled. If she can't make it, the backup steps in.
Keep the planning yourself, so it's done your way
Wanting it done right makes sense. But it leaves the hidden work with the recovering parent. Agree what "done" looks like, then let her run it.
Quick check
Which job is easiest to simplify in the first weeks?
Show the answer
Cooking fresh dinners at home every night
The adults still need to eat, but dinner can be simpler for a while: takeaway from the hawker centre, a relative's cooking or a delivery. Clean clothes and the school run still need an owner.
Quick check
Your partner says, "I'll help with dinner." What's still missing?
Show the answer
Who plans, buys, receives and clears up, and on which days
"Help" can still leave the planning with the recovering parent. A whole job covers every step, from deciding to clearing up.
Your private note
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What the rest of the course covers
- Lesson 2: plan adult help at night, around your hospital's care instructions.
- Lesson 3: set visitor rules and turn offers of help into real jobs.
- Lesson 4: hand over smoothly from a confinement nanny, helper or relative.
- Lesson 5: keep hospital papers, appointments and contacts easy to find.
- Lesson 6: plan for the week your leave or help ends.
Remember
A whole job has a clear result, an owner and a backup.
Try this week
For the next 7 days, agree one whole household job with an owner and a backup, and let them run it before the baby arrives.
Sources
- Baby has come home: dealing with changes (opens in a new tab), HealthHub. Checked 19 October 2026.
- Postnatal care for mother and baby (opens in a new tab), KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital. Checked 19 October 2026.
- Emergency medical services (opens in a new tab), Singapore Civil Defence Force. Checked 19 October 2026.